Today is day 5 and usually the beginning of the end of my sober week. I don’t really find myself thinking about booze Monday thru Thursday but them comes Saturday and Sunday and I can’t stop that inner voice. I have a very odd schedule at work right now where I work long shifts Friday thru Sunday and Sunday night has been my day to cave in and oh you know get shit faced plastered. It has come down to getting done with work and having nothing planned for the rest of the day. I have 2 friends here and they usually have plans with their boyfriends although there have been times that i have been invited to things and I said to myself I would rather get plastered in my room alone then go and A. Have fun without drinking or B. Make an ass out of myself because I was in an uncomfortable position so i got wasted. I always took the sit in my room alone option and dwell on how lonely i am. How fucked up is that.
I am trying to get down to the core of why i can go the entire week without thinking about drinking but come Saturday and Sunday night it is all consuming until i finally give in to make my mind finally stop the dialogue.
1. i will attend AA everyday this entire weekend. I will go at night. This should help me take my mind off drinking and I have still been thinking about it every day since the one AA meeting I went to.
2. I will work through some steps when i get home. i have decided to rewrite some steps to make me feel better about following it but I will adhere pretty close to the true meaning.
3. i will go to the gym. I normally use the dogs as an excuse to head straight home then once I’m home i just am too exhausted to head to the gym so instead i head to the liquor store. Makes perfect sense.
4. I will post 2 a day. Morning and night and see when those voices typically come and what they want.
5. I will make a list of my goals and hobbies that i want to take up. i have had this on my to do list for quite a while. i don’t know why goals are so daunting but i feel like i don’t even know where to start.