It is almost 11 pm and I just had to remind myself to post. I haven’t followed all or really any of my goals that i listed out on Friday except not drinking which I guess is all that really matters. Scratch that its not all that matters. I have been at 6 days before and I have felt great at 6 days before, exactly like last week before Sunday came and I caved. I want to set goals not just to take my mind off of drinking and keep me occupied but to keep me accountable so by me just ignoring my goals I am making myself less than accountable. ARGH!!
I am trying to take my therapists advice and not get so down on myself but i don’t want to keep going down this road and through this cycle of getting to 7 days thinking i have it under control and then ending up back at day 1 in the gutter and feeling like shit. Okay, well on a positive note, i haven’t drank this weekend. I had one moment today thinking about drinking and then i decided i would rather read my book and that feeling passed. I also found this tea that i really love and enjoy it before bed. I am going to make goals for tomorrow and i AM GOING TO DO THEM!
1. I will go to an AA meeting at 8 pm tomorrow. i have already picked the place and time and i WILL GO DAMNIT!
2. i will make a list of hobbies I enjoy. i really want to get this done. I know if i can draw parallels with having fun and not drinking I think I will really get somewhere. Right now it feels like i have to isolate myself and just keep busy to not drink but at some point I am going to need to relax and enjoy myself and finding things that bring me joy, happiness and relaxation (other than 2 bottles of wine) are key to my sobriety.
i can do two goals. Maybe another goal next week is one goal a day instead of an overwhelming checklist.
Off to bed.