I am currently in the great state of Texas, Woohoo!!!!, visiting my sister. Its a really short trip (only 3 day) but I wanted to see her and her expanding belly and visit with my dog-niece so I have been looking forward to it. I normally have no drive to drink during the week because i just have too much to do but because this feels like “vacation” and Texas was a stomping ground for many a drunken disaster it has been on my mind.
We decided on Mexican food tonight because, lets face it, Colorado is not where one ventures for its hispanic cuisine and sometimes my sister asks me to get a drink so she can have one sip and who am I to take that away from her. I was anxiously awaiting her to say “get a drink so i can taste it” but the waiter came and went and she never said anything. I privately went back and forth of what I would say/do if she asked me to order a drink. (Side note: I have not told her that i quit drinking.) I told myself that I am usually a good drunk around her and by that I mean I am conservative and usually stop drinking after 2 or 3 drinks. I also managed to tell myself that I can control it now, obviously a real alcoholic wouldn’t be able to just quit and I have so far. I don’t know where these mental streams come from but they are very convincing. I decided to start eating and just try to enjoy it and after the food came if I was still craving the drink then I would order it. 30 minutes into the meal while trying the dessert and laughing about something my mind stopped and i thought wow I didnt order a drink, I am enjoying myself and the food without alcohol.
I found that moment to be such a flash in the pan of wanting to drink. I am not sure whether I feel good about ultimately not drinking, or bad because i was letting an outside source dictate whether I drank or not.