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I had a pretty early flight this morning, 4 am alarm clock early. Yikes. One thing I have started noticing is people that drink, it was a 6 am flight and I saw 5 people order alcoholic drinks. Like what now?!?! but to each their own…

I have been thinking, a lot, as the addict brain normally does and currently i am making some life altering decisions. I am planning a move to a different state in a city where I don’t know really anyone, I broke up with ass hat a few months ago and cut ties with some very toxic people in my life, and with the move will come a very different field of work for me. I am trying my hardest to keep these potential triggers to a minimum but all these changes are like 20 triggers in 1. I have to keep believing that everything will be alright and that this job change is going to be an amazing experience, maybe I will meditate about it.

Another thing I have been thinking about is the 2 drinks I had Wednesday. I can’t say I felt anything when I drank them and it was not followed by any desire to drive to a liquor store to keep the party going. I am very puzzled by this change in attitude. Before  I ordered the drink I had this firm knowledge in my head that I was not going to get drunk. Like I planned how I was going to do it and low and behold thats how it went down. Most times I got wasted I was going into it with a plan to get wasted, I even planned how I would get through the next day and would cancel plans if need be so I could nurse my hangover. I definitely do not believe I have control over it, that has happened before and I only went back down the rabbit hole, but I kind of felt like that experience was necessary to tell the gods of alcohol that they don’t have a hold over me anymore. I can plan and do life on my own terms. Maybe..I don’t know if this makes any sense but it did in my head.

Well life goes on and I’m back in my lonely state of being for 2 more months until I move. I am going to try to focus on finding some other source of income to have a little moving wiggle room.

XO

RM

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