Oh here comes the weekend

Why do weekends give me such trouble??? I, for one, do not have a bustling social life. I have made sure that i will never be invited around certain social groups with my previous drunken antics. UGH…cue self loathing. I also have spent most of my adult life working weekends so I am not sure what in my brain says weekends equal drinking, oh well maybe the fact that I drank the most heavily for the past 14 years on weekends, maybe??? Well its really an obnoxious feeling, always dreading weekends or dreading being bored, or dreading being asked to hang out with people, or really just existing on weekends altogether.

I am not a highly social person, I think I drank socially to hide how uncomfortable I am around people. My drunken nights usually included dinner with a few drinks or a bottle of wine, you know, cause I’m classy and then head to a friends house or continue drinking at the same restaurant until we are kicked out of the restaurant or I am too drunk at my friends house to make it home so hey, might as well keep drinking. The bar tab is always more than the food and I decide which credit card I can put the $90-$200 dinner tab on while keeping my fingers crossed. I don’t ever remember what happens after dinner. I wake up, in either my bed or someones guest room with dry eyes, dry mouth (but no matter how dry your mouth is, water tastes like shit), nausea, pounding headache, chapped lips, makeup and clothes still on. I struggle to find my phone and scroll through my texts and find numerous texts that are either so ridiculous or just outright unreadable to god knows who. I see that I am super late for work, text my coworker some lame excuse and stumble for my keys, usually still wasted. I spend my day hating myself and telling myself its time to get my shit together. Then I feel a little better as the day goes on and well why not do it all again. Thats not insanity right????

I have made lots of enemies pulling this shit over and over, not to mention I switch from really witty and funny to obnoxious on a dime (I have seen videos) So why in the world does my brain still equate weekends with binge fests and make it seem like its a great idea??

I will stop freaking out about this. I have decided not to drink tonight so I WILL NOT DRINK. In other news I am still wrestling with those 2 damn margaritas. Do they count against my days??? Well I guess of course they do but honestly I can’t bear to think that I am at day 2 again without saying “hey fuck it, I am headed to the liquor store” so like it or not I am going to say I am 18 days sober with a 2 marg, not worth drinking, slip. GET OVER IT, SELF!

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XO

RM

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