You know how some days just don’t go right? Like you spill your coffee on a purse you are trying to return and when you go to get a wipe you jam your finger in the car door kind of wrong? Its just one of those days.
I am on day 4 of my hangover week and i think I have reached the depressed/irritated/cursing the sky part. I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and i had to divulge my drinking Sunday. i was so embarrassed and feel like i am just wasting his time and mine, i mean he gets paid and all, but I don’t want this sobriety thing to feel like a game where I can make it 2 weeks and then twice a month I get plastered. We have had the conversation many times over that i have been fairly successful in life, depending on your idea of success, but overall i went to college, have a job, and have for the most part stayed out of trouble but I am still going on with life in such a lackadaisical way. I haven’t really ever WANTED something, I have never really had goals or dreams for myself. I have always just done what you are “supposed” to do. He suggested that i don’t have something that outweighs the desire to drink and i will be in this cycle for ever until something actually pushes me out of my comfort zone and forces me to change. He says thats why people have rock bottoms but I have not had something so catastrophic that i have no other choice and i really don’t want to get there.
I have to think about this more. I feel that light again in the far off distance that is going off saying “here is a little nugget of wisdom, understand it”
I am feeling so irritable right now I could go off on anyone at anytime today so I am just going to stay home so i don’t shit on anyone else’s parade.
No one said sobriety would be sunshine and rainbows all the time but I hope the lightning and rain (and pigeon shit ) doesn’t stay around for too long. One more day, I am sober for another day.