Day 8…for the 129,876 time.

Is it possible to hate everything and everyone and want to be surrounded by people at the same time? It is, it has to be because thats how I feel at this current moment.

I have quit drinking many, many, many, many times before. I can say that since counting I quit for a whole month in December and then it all went back to hell in January and February and then I got back on the wagon in March and have had roughly 3 or 4 slips since then. Lately I have been EXHAUSTED! I wake up at a decent time but I am so tired by 4 pm. I am not really tired enough to close my eyes and go to bed for the day (I have tried that) I just have a full body exhaustion accompanied by migraines. Its very debilitating. i just started taking B12 in hopes of getting some sort of relief but its still too soon to tell. Has anyone gone through this too? I can’t imagine this is still a “withdrawal period” but maybe it is. I am eating well and i force myself to workout so what gives???

On another note I am back at day 8 again. I made it through yesterday without any desire to drink so that was a relief. I think I still have a pretty strong recollection of the dry heaving that took place last Monday so maybe I’m set for a while with the triggers and I have had pretty bad headaches every day so that doesn’t usually result in “hey, lets drink” instead its more of “hey, lets find a dark room and curl into a ball and never get up, until you have to pee which will be once every 2 minutes because you drink far too much water”.

I have had a few moments where my brain has tried to figure out some way of putting alcohol back on the proverbial future table but i found a few blogs that said just to tell it no. Don’t argue, or get into a back and forth with it, just simply say no. I realized that arguing with deluded people (my mom) never gets you anywhere since they can make up their own truths and you can’t argue with made up realities so anytime my mind starts to wonder into the realm of “this is good for right now, but on your wedding night that is not planned and you don’t even have a boyfriend at this time, but might in the future…you will drink right?” and to that I say “nope, oh look new nail polish.”

I am really hoping I get to the world is brighter and the birds are chirping and when it rains I feel like angels are placing little kisses on my face point of recovery but until that time comes lord please relieve this brain fog, body exhaustion and headaches.

Oh and also I read that not having the extra 7-800 calories per bottle per week of straight wine sugar can cause MASSIVE cravings for sugar. I can speak for myself that at night all I want is sugar, lots and lots and lots of sugar. I also read that early on in recovery to treat yourself and not expect to lose weight. A. I could give two shits about losing weight but B. I have realized that eating copious amounts of sugary candy and cookies at night has made me feel way worse and that I’m just switching one addiction to another one so point of this all is does anyone have any suggestions to feed the new sugar cravings that are not absolutely devastating to my body and mind? (anyone suggest eating an apple or nut butter and I will stab you with my proverbial knife off my proverbial future table)

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XO

RM

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