Its Friday. I managed to get off work, make dinner, get my haircut, grocery shop, and eat ice cream. The ice cream eating is becoming an issue. I know that when i feel good about myself, body and mind, i am usually better at controlling my drinking but the excessive amounts of sugar I am eating at night is making me feel very…blah. Not as blah as 2 bottles of wine but just overall blah. I notice that I am not sleeping as well and waking up throughout the night with horrible dreams. I also have noticed that I wake up feeling bloated and gross. I know the podcast I’m following says in early recovery not to try to over haul your whole life or try any new diets or food changes but this is just making me feel gross and overall unhealthy. Any suggestions?
I am going to stick to the podcasts advice at least tomorrow and Sunday because weekends are my biggest triggers and knowing i have ice cream at home has made the wine-less nights way easier to tolerate.
On another note, living with roommates while attempting to sober up is hard. It is hard in that one is my ex, who likes to parade his new bachelor life style in my face and one is my best friend. Living with friends and significant others seems like such a good idea, I mean all the TV shows make it look like so much fun but in all reality its the pits. One of those very dark pits arrived in the mail today, A 60 bottle wine of the month fed ex package, that is now strewn about in my pantry. We have liquor and beer all over the pantry and fridge and i am actually fine with that. I have no desire to ever drink liquor, never have and never will. This is a fact that my ex liked to throw in my face when I told him that I thought I had an issue with alcohol was that I can get wasted on wine and want more but I will never turn to liquor or beer and actually not even white wine. He said alcoholics don’t discern between types of alcohol which therefore made me not an alcoholic. I have always wondered about that. I have a taste for one and only one thing. I could drink A beer and I can drink two or three margaritas and stop but if there is wine on the menu I will quickly make a move to red wine and I can’t stop. Are there specific types of alcoholism? Are there subsets of people that abuse alcohol? it does make me feel relieved when I realize I am only fighting wine and not an entire liquor cabinet. I mean obviously I can’t drink anything because it always leads back to wine but I at least don’t have to fight ALL the liquor and beer out there.
I feel like right now I need to be nesting, ha yes, i said nesting, creating a safe cocoon for me to be in with only happy and healthy things surrounding me and NOT 60 bottles of red wine and ex boyfriends. 1 and 3/4 month left in this situation. I can do this. Maybe this is some sort of, if you can become sober in this kind of negative environment then it will be so much easier to stay sober when your in a better place kind of gift from the universe. I hope so. My stomach has officially started the nightly rumbling from all the sugar and milk. Yuck.
Good Luck everyone out there. Keep on keepin on