So I made it past the worst of my days. I really wish i could wipe Sundays off the map, but I’m sure I would quickly replace it with another day so for now, Sundays will stay.
I have read a few articles and spoke to my therapist about this and although it seems self explanatory, it really isn’t the most obvious plan of action. Finding a mentor. In AA this would probably be a sponsor, but since I am going the not so traditional route, I am calling it my mentor.
I think some of the things that keep us alcohol abusers on that shitty ferris wheel is that there arent options, or at least we can’t see the options through all the shit we have buried ourselves under. I have always been a drunk so I don’t know any other way to live and I sure as hell have never visualized myself as anything but a drunk loser that can’t keep a job or hold onto money or make sound decisions. Finding someone that you look up to and has all the things in life you want is supposed to help manage the small steps to finally realize the larger than life goals.
I thought about this for a while, who should I pick..an actress whom I think has it all together? Some executive from shark tank? Maybe an elected official…All good candidates but in all reality what the heck do I know about their struggles to get where they are, HELL, they could be a raging alcoholic. I needed someone to identify with and that I could say hey, this is how they exist at a party or a get together or a work function, this is how I can exist in the world without alcohol.
While I was in Texas I was still thinking and I was emailing my sister about how nervous I was for the interviews and she gave me some advice “be calm, collected, and confident” “ask for more money than you have ever thought possible” “don’t play down your jobs, you have had so much experience in so many different fields and you have succeeded at all of them until you are no longer challenged”.
That was it! My mentor was my childhood tormentor, the girl who chopped all my barbies hair off, who sold all my disney movies on Ebay, who excelled at all sports and was in every advanced class in school, who I followed to college, who I always looked up to for growing up in the same circumstances as me but making those challenges add to her story, not become it. She is the most successful person I know and guess what I have a direct line and get to chat with her everyday!
Not everyone is so lucky to have someone like this so readily available, but if you are struggling with finding a path without alcohol and finding a way to regain self esteem, find that one person that you can’t stand to disappoint and latch on!
I will not follow every step she takes but when I need advice or reassurance I know I have someone just a phone call away…Now, letting her know about my decision to stop drinking is next on the list. (The whole fear of disappointing someone I never want to disappoint is hard).
Next post, figuring out why I still think that quitting drinking will disappoint someone?!? What kind of dumbass thinking is that!
Happy Monday Everybody