I am going to basically pat myself on the back in this post. I think the saying about snowballs rolling down a hill and getting bigger or something is happening to me. I am so freaking PROUD of myself I can’t even figure out if I’m the same person.
I went to dinner with my sister and her coworkers who are in town for work, we went to this really fancy place and of course luck would have it, we have to wait for a table but we are welcome to sit at the bar and wait and of course if you read my post about Texans, they all were ready to start drinking! This is an ENORMOUS trigger for me, not the sitting at the bar part but the fancy restaurant that has wine with an accompanying sommelier. Wine has always been my drug of choice. I suddenly felt so flushed and nervous and stressed out and angry. WHYYYYYY MEE?!? I have always viewed wine as being “upscale” and adding value and social prestige to my persona. Look at that girl, she is so fancy with her fancy clothes and fancy wines, she MUST live a life of luxury. I have also always equated wine with class and romance and all the very things I have never thought I was or had. I mulled over the drink menu and low and behold there was a no alcohol section. I quickly ordered when the bartender approached me, CHAMOMILE GINGER SODA PLEASE!, NOW MOVE ALONG! After I ordered the feeling passed and I didnt think twice about wine again, well a few times when I walked to the bathroom but the intense stress of it all had passed and I enjoyed myself as well as an amazing dish I wouldnt have been able to afford had I bought a $15 glass (or 4) of wine.
I drove home feeling elated. I actually cried on my way home because I was so happy that I didnt give up 28 days all for the inevitable pounding of wine, HUGE dinner bill, and most likely being inappropriate in front of my sisters coworkers. I woke up today and decided if I can do that I can go swim a mile, which I haven’t done since college, and I DID IT in 32:00 minutes.
If anyone else who reads this is struggling or has fallen, just get back on and start again! There is only failure when you give up. The beginning was tough, like the hardest thing i have ever done, but once I started getting traction it has slowly become easier and easier. My snowball of positive things in life went from the size of an acorn to a basketball and will just keep growing as long as I let it keep rolling.
***Tomorrow will be 30 days***