I wanted to write about expectations vs reality for a while here, I just wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say or how best to get my thoughts out so y’all don’t read it and say “is she drunk again?!?”
So stick with me here…
Have you ever turned on the hot water and when you stick your hand in the water you immediately feel the burn of the scolding water and pull your hand out?…but then your frontal lobe kicks in and is like, hey dumby, you are at someone else’s house and they have some backwards ass water faucet and you turned on the cold water…but for that split second when you thought it was scolding, it actually felt, in every cell of your body, like it was hot?
Maybe this scenario has happened to you, like it has me, or maybe you have experienced something else like when you are going to sleep and suddenly your body jerks because you decide to fall down imaginary stairs? It feels so real and you react to it just like its happening. Until the common sensical lobe of your noggin tells you otherwise, the fall is reality to you. These kinds of events make me think way too much about our mind body connection. How, excuse my language, fucking amazingly powerful your mind is that it can override your sensory nervous system until it decides for itself what is real or otherwise?
This makes me also realize how important it is to get yo mind right when you decide to make life long changes! When I first started on this new life path (I would call it a sober path, but it is so much more than sobriety now) I had a lot of mental noise going on, a constant and always negative dialogue replaying in my brain 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I expected shit to happen to me. I expected to fail at anything I tried, including sobriety. I expected that I would always have a crappy job and barely enough money to survive. i expected that I would always have to be supported by someone. I expected that i would be unhappy and alone for my life. All of my inner expectations turned into my outward reality.
I am not one to meditate, I tried it for all of two days and hated every minute of it. I am not one to sit still and have recently realized my meditation happens when I swim. I have also coupled this with waking up everyday and telling myself its going to be a great day even when my head is foggy from allergies or I couldn’t sleep too well. It is going to be a great day even if I am unemployed and I have no idea how I will pay for anything next month. It is going to be a great fucking day because I’m sober and I am happy and I am alive and healthy and now I can finally be thankful that my mind controls my reality.