Connections or lack there of

Well I HATE to say it, but I am here again….not here posting on the website, but here drinking again… I am not back to the fall down send horribly embarrassing texts kind of drunk but I am having a few drinks by myself in my dark room and that very slowly but surely leads to those good bad ole days. I came to realize that I drink mainly because I am looking for some sort of connection. It really hasn’t occurred to me until earlier when i was sitting on the couch watching TV thinking, well I have 1/2 bottle of wine left. I might as well drink it. I literally had no desire to drink, like 0.00000 but I was bored and alone and then it dawned on me…All my triggers were a direct result of the feeling of being disconnected. Watching reality TV-wanting a connection with friends on fancy trips. Patios-having laughs with friends and enjoying summer and feeling connected. Every time I start drinking is always a direct result to feeling so disconnected to the world and to other people. I have always labeled myself as a loner that just enjoyed being alone and while that is true, i need people and connections.


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