Im not going to bore you by describing my past few months slowly tumbling back down that crap hole I dug myself out of but I will say it hasn’t been fun, but the exact opposite.
I FINALLY found an apartment that I live at alone (goal 1), I have an amazing real life adult job where my presence matters (goal 2), I got the chance to start over and what did I do?? Oh you know I hit that self destruct button so hard it got stuck. I slowly started drinking with friends then drinking with family and finally I found myself polishing off two bottles of wine in my new apartment alone on Sunday night. I barely got to work on time and was so unmotivated because I constantly wanted to throw up. I rode home holding back tears. I don’t want to do this anymore and I don’t know how I got back here.
I am not going to have a pity party, its time for next steps, and that means starting over and digging myself back towards the sunshine. I reached my very short term goals and I think once that happened I said fuck it, now I can drink again. Its time for new, harder goals.
The first thing I’m going to focus on is self respect.