I have been at this blog for 10 minutes now, and only managed to write things and erase them for 10 minutes now. I think there is just so much to talk about because things have been crazy and I haven’t updated in a while. So I am going to try to update you in as few words as possible. I had started drinking again, like crazy, getting wasted all alone feeling shitty then doing it all again and regretting it all week only to hit the repeat button come the weekend. Well anyways. I have been really trying to quit lately and I am back at day 7 of sobriety. I am going for 30 days this time. I have had a few bumps in September but I am feeling leveled out now. My ex decided to fly to my new city, proclaim his undying love for me and purpose, to which I said…Ok… I literally had no idea what was going on or how I felt and honestly I felt guilty. I felt like well I am not a great person and maybe this is it for me. I don’t deserve the love story happiness because any guy with his shit together would run for the hills if he met me. After a few days and once he finally flew home I realized that i have been going through life thinking these negative things. “Why would anyone want me, i come from a broken and disjointed home, I am a raging drunk, I can’t commit to anything because alcohol comes first. I DESERVE UNHAPPINESS” It really isn’t shocking that unhappiness is what the world has delivered. Needless to say i was unengaged within a day.
Anyways on a bright note. i found a stray dog the other day. He is adorable and so sweet but he is a puppy and ALOT of work. He has heart worms and I am working on his treatment. i realized in the month of September I spent $400, yes thats right $400 on just wine oh and I gained about 10 pounds as well. I don’t know if this is a little push from the universe but I can’t afford this habit and taking care of him so my resources and time are being reverted to helping this little pup out.