The struggle is so real

I have had a drink every day this weekend. I have’nt blacked out like normal and I also stopped taking any and all medications. I did however go to an open gym at a crossfit on Saturday and as much as I shitted the bed on the workout because I’m SOOOO out of shape, it felt so good. I FELT GOOD. I am still unsure of this whole counseling business. I have found a lot of relief in that prior but for some reason all I feel is that this therapist wants to throw meds at me and I just don’t feel like thats needed.

I really go back in forth with my thinking, sometimes I am like damn I am SOOOO RIGHT about myself and other times I am like let someone else with WAY more education evaluate you and let you know what she thinks. Like what IF the antidepressants I have in my possession are a key to my own sobriety?? Or, will I become listless, suicidal, sexually ambivalent, but appear happy (those are common side effects of antidepressants)

I really can’t decide, Has anyone here taken antidepressants and really noticed a dip in drinking and just being content with life????

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