Naltrexone cont.

A few weeks on Naltrexone and I feel conflicted. First off, I am spending $150-$300 on appointments that are not being covered by insurance and second off I really haven’t spoken about anything with my therapist other then her asking questions about my medications.

  1. I am pretty sure I can’t keep up with this cost, my credit card bill has become out of control and
  2. I am still drinking almost weekly.

So I don’t feel any real drive not to drink. For Example, I assumed the drug makes the cravings manageable but today for about 6 hours all i thought about was drinking and finally i just went to the store and got wine. It really hasn’t helped with cravings. Also, I can feel my insides hurting lately, like my lower body just cramps and I wake up every day with a severe headache and thats not from drinking. I also recently drank a bit more than I have been (roughly two bottles of wine) and I was hallucinating. I was hallucinating that I was in a camp being murdered and when i got in bed I imagined (hallucinated?) that my fiancé was a guard that had to watch me from getting away.

This literally scares me away from this drug. I don’t care how blacked out I have ever been I have NEVER thought someone I loved would hurt me. I was so scared and kept telling myself to lie still cause if he attacked me I would have to kill him and its like had he cuddled me in that moment would i have done something that couldnt be fixed???? Like no thanks! I know this doesn’t make you a “regular” drinker but I also feel no desire not to.

Fuck this is scary and its always scared me to ever be on drugs, like I am literally afraid of my mind on prescription drugs (I know alcohol is a drug but for some reason it has always seemed manageable).

My doctor prescribed me an antidepressant and I have had it for over a week but I just don’t want to take it. I know why I’m depressed and I know how to fix it and that aint a pill. I don’t workout anymore and I used to workout intensely 7 days a week. I work 8 hours a day refreshing a yahoo screen because I’m not challenged and i don’t care to be challenged anymore in the position I’m in. I let any setback take hold of my imagination. i know the shit that makes me sad and living on a happy cloud isn’t going to make those things go away, it will just make me okay with my current life and I don’t want to be okay with that.

Fuck. I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up on therapy is shitty but i really can’t afford it and i don’t really think this drug is worth it. I don’t ever want to wake up to something I can’t undo because I hallucinate something crazy.

The Cost of Naltrexone

Why are mornings so hard to wake up. I have tried my whole life to become a morning person but everyday that alarm clock rings all I want to do is throw it against the wall and stay in bed all day long!

When I started my research into Naltrexone and Vivitrol I had a hard time finding any useful information regarding cost. I have had the misfortune of showing up to a doctors office expecting one thing and ending up with a huge bill that had to be payed in full before I could leave so being prepared was a crucial piece for me. I have health insurance and I would say its pretty decent health insurance, buuuttttt apparently mental health is not really a priority since they really don’t cover anything regarding my psychiatrist appointment. I spent $300 just for the initial visit which was a 2 hour visit and included a urinalysis (for drug testing) and a breathalyzer. She sent me home with an order form to get blood work done but I have not done that yet so I am not sure what that will cost out of pocket. She gave me two diagnosis to try to use to submit my own claim, she said sometimes they pay on one but not the other so I submitted the alcoholism diagnosis and it was denied so I think I am going to try the severe anxiety diagnosis. My insurance covered m=the medication and I ended up spending $10 on a month worth of Naltrexone and $10 on the Baclofen. She didnt really discuss Vivitrol injection and I assume that Vivitrol is more for people that will skip out on taking the Naltrexone. I know she did mention that the Vivitrol injection is super expensive so if you are willing to take the drugs daily then thats the better option.

Costs will obviously vary if you have a different insurance or see a different level of psychiatrist. Overall I see it as an investment into my health and wellness. It seems like a small price to pay for keeping my family and life together although it is really a fucking bummer how expensive it is to get help. It really opens my eyes to the reasons why there are so many people out there that don’t get proper mental health treatment. All in all I am out $320 and I am supposed to go back to see her this week and I believe that will cost $150. She did mention she would try to work with me on cost because who in the world could spend 150$ a week on therapy!

Anywho hope this helps you decide on a treatment that is right for you. I would say paying that money really sucks but when I calculate the weekly wine tab including poor money decision making that goes along with it I am on the winning side.

Naltrexone

Another Holiday and a new excuse to get drunk…amirightoramiright??? Blah! Every time this season comes around I make so many promises to myself. I promise myself I will only have a little to drink with dinner (yeah fucking right) or I will just get plastered the night before so I will be too sick to drink the day of or-OR my ultimate favorite, just get shit faced and make an ass out of yourself, they have to keep loving you right??? Your family! I will give you one guess which one I chose…Get wasted prior and during. Logical decisions right? The only problem is I feel like absolute garbage for all family events and the whole not drinking that day due to feeling like a big ole turd turns into drinking just to feel human again. This year was no different, I decided to get wasted both families thanksgiving as to absolutely miss everything fun about the holidays and then wallow in shame in bed trying to nurse my hangover…So much for a 4 day weekend.

So I am trying something new and something that scares the shit out of me.

Hellllllooooo Naltrexone.

IMG_0458.JPGOk, so quick overview. I was listening to a radio lab on NPR and heard this one episode called “The Fix” It was about this doctor that was pretty much ready to kill himself because his addiction was so strong (I am sure many of you can relate) anyways I can’t remember the exact combination he took but I think it consisted of Baclofen and something else, just listen to the episode here: http://www.radiolab.org/story/addiction/ it will make much better sense then me trying to remember the details.

Long story short he took these drugs and at some point was cured. Like never wanted alcohol again!!! LIKE IM SORRY, COME AGAIN?!? NEVER WANTED ALCOHOL AGAIN!

Anywho, I found a local psychiatrist that prescribes some of the other drugs out there that treat addiction (who knew these existed???? FUCK all you other drug counselors out there that never gave me options) I met with her and she basically was like you are an amazing candidate for this. She prescribed me Naltrexone and Baclofen. I haven’t taken the Baclofen yet as she said it is for anxiety and since I am basically a human ball of anxiety and I am not sure if I want to be medicated all the time I am going with one drug at a time. Also drugs scare the living bejeezus out of me, I know, makes no sense I will drink myself into a coma but taking a Tylenol takes some serious decision making (I would absolutely love to see an MRI of my brain)

So, I have Naltrexone and I have taken two doses so far. I can’t say I feel any differently other than yesterday I kind of wanted to stop at the store for a bottle or 4 of wine but it passed really quickly and my mind kind of went we should get wine, nah…ok.  I have to go get blood work done and see her once or twice a month for actual therapy sessions but so far so good. I will follow up with my experience. So stay posted!